I have been a Christian most of my life. I first heard about God as an 8 year old kid when I followed a friend to church. But to me church was more a place for adventures where I got extra play time with my friends. After months of attending, I slowly learned that God has the power of granting wishes, so I spent hours of my childhood praying that the girl in my class would like me back. Yes, I prayed for new toys, less homework, more pocket money just like all the other kids, but most of my prayers were about my crushes. Perhaps it was the lack of mother figure in my early childhood after the divorce that made me constantly seek to be loved by someone. (I make it sound as if my stepmother might be the disney-stereotype-cinderella-stepmother, but in fact she is an angel that Christ has blessed me with) After a rough church breakup in middle school, my disappointment in the sinful nature of people who called themselves Christians made me distance myself from church.
In college, I met a girl who was a very devoted Christian. But because she was unwilling to date a non-Christian, I had to prove myself. I began to attend church again, but went to a different church as her so that I could be sincere about my faith. Although my return to church was for the wrong reasons, the year of attending church really helped me grow spiritually. But as this relationship fell apart, so did my desire to present myself in the house of Christ.
In grad school, I met another girl. And once again for the wrong reasons, I returned to church. Just the same as before, I stubbornly refused to attend the same church as her, claiming that I must practice my faith independently. One day, this foolish believer was in deep prayer at church when something sent shivers down his spine. I came to understand that all my life, I have thought this emptiness inside me could be filled by love. Knowing this, God has been continuously trying to pull me back to His house through my misled intentions. Ever since this personal encounter with God, I have felt His presence more and more in my life. Being plugged in at Crosswalk, I have been blessed with countless opportunities to serve and bring myself closer to the Lord.
Now that I think back, I would classify my relationship with God as a one-sided love relationship. Although God has shown me so much of His love and grace, I have reaped the benefits while seeking for my love to be satisfied elsewhere. I am able to proclaim that now I am willing to reciprocate and in turn let my emptiness be overflowing with His love.